Why Calling Yourself by Name Actually Works
Researchers found that most people rely on “immersed” self-talk — the classic first-person style:
“I can do this.”
“I’m freaking out.”
But when people took a mental step back and addressed themselves by name — “Sarah, you’ve got this” — something interesting happened: they felt slightly better.
The effect wasn’t huge, but it was reliable — and it only showed up in moments of preparation, like gearing up for a speech, a performance, or something nerve-wracking.
Oddly enough, that’s the exact situation where people used distanced self-talk least.
Self-Talk Is Everywhere — But Most of It Isn’t Helpful
The research tracked more than 200 people multiple times a day for two weeks to uncover how they actually talk to themselves in real life — not in a lab.
Across over 20,000 real-world moments, people used:
Immersed self-talk (first person): 43% of the time
Distanced self-talk (name or third person): 14.5% of the time
No self-talk at all: 42%
In other words, most internal chatter is in the “I” form — and that form did not deliver any emotional boost.
The Secret: Psychological Distance
Talking to yourself by name creates a small mental gap — the same kind you feel when advising a friend.
It helps your brain see the situation with more clarity and less panic.
In this study, distanced self-talk:
Did not help during self-criticism
Did not help when trying to feel better after a bad moment
Did not help when feeling proud
Only improved mood during preparation
If you’ve ever tried hyping yourself up in the mirror, you now know the science behind why the “third-person pep talk” feels different.
Is This About Narcissism or Stress? Surprisingly, No.
Researchers also looked at whether personality traits — like emotional distress or narcissism — changed how or when people talked to themselves.
The answer: not at all.
People across personality types used similar patterns of self-talk, and the emotional benefits of distanced self-talk were not tied to stress, anxiety, or self-absorption.
This suggests the trick works broadly — not just for certain personalities.
You’re Not Using This Trick as Often as You Should
Even though distanced self-talk helped in high-pressure situations, it was used least in those very moments — only about 16% of the time.
People were more likely to use distant self-talk when:
Feeling self-critical
Trying to cheer themselves up
But ironically, it didn’t actually help much in those moments.
When does it help?
Before you act. Before you speak. Before you step into something big.
Why the Findings Matter
This study is one of the first to track self-talk in real time, across daily life, rather than in a controlled lab setting.
The takeaway is simple but powerful:
If you want to feel calmer, more capable, or more confident before a high-stakes moment — talk to yourself like you’re someone you care about. Use your name. Step outside yourself.
It’s easy, it’s free, and it may just help you steady your nerves when it counts.
Bottom Line
Most of your internal pep talks are first-person — and not very effective.
Switching to third-person (“You’ve got this, Maria”) provides a small emotional lift.
The boost only shows up in prep moments before action.
Nearly everyone can benefit, regardless of personality.
And despite its power, almost no one uses this tool when they need it most.
So before your next presentation, interview, or big decision, try giving yourself a little distance. Your future self might thank you.
MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information is based on published research and should not replace professional medical consultation.
